


The way they break

by theladystrikesagain



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: And then this happened, Death, Ficlet, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Tragedy, eruri - Freeform, kind of wanted to see how Levi would deal with grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 05:59:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11269371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladystrikesagain/pseuds/theladystrikesagain
Summary: Levi is calm.There’s no screaming, no grieving. Levi thinks that people should be losing their damn minds over the fact that their commander is dead. After everything that he did, everything he accomplished, someone has to, at least one person. Erwin deserves that.He doesn’t realize the person losing their mind is him.





	The way they break

Erwin dies and Levi is calm.

There’s no screaming, no grieving, nothing that should be happening on the death of such a man. Levi knows this is because of the new Titan they have in their ranks, but Levi also thinks that people should be losing their damn minds over the fact that their commander is dead. After everything that he did, everything he accomplished, someone has to, at least one person. Erwin _deserves_ that.

He doesn’t realize the person losing their mind is him.

 

He had always thought that they would both go out the same way most of the corps did: eaten by titans. He would talk about it with Erwin over their work, over dinner, and, with fear slightly shaking his words, in bed. Erwin would stroke his back and tell him everything would be alright. Levi would scoff and tell him that was bullshit and that they would all be dead in the end, but would hold him back just as tight

He was right. For once in his godforsaken, shitty life he was right, and there is nothing he wouldn't trade in the world to be wrong. 

 

He wants to scream. He wants to shake everyone around them, to ask them if they truly ever think someone could ever replace Erwin – _how dare they, how dare they think he wasn't as important_ – but instead, he breathes deeply. His body calms down. He decides to hates Erwin then, and hates him with a fury that is unmatched by anything – _how could he do this to me, after everything, after Farlan and Isabel_  – because if being calm won't kill the storm raging inside him, maybe hatred will salvage what's left of his heart.

(It doesn’t.)

 

The kid comes to him, shedding the tears that Levi should have been, and apologizes over and over again. Levi thinks of how strange it is, for someone to be sorry for something they had no control over. Despite this, the emptiness inside him gives him very little to work with, so when the boy leaves, Levi suspects he is in even more anguish than he was before.  

 

He lies in bed alone that night, sleep eluding him, and wants the world to burn, for it to feel the pain that is raging inside him. He would curse everyone in the Survey Corps to death, every single one of them, to bring him back. He would hold the man close and tell him that they were finished, the hell with humanity and the walls and everyone who isn't them, and they would leave to be happy. Levi wants to be less than strong, to stop being humanity’s greatest for a little while. 

He lies in bed alone, and wants to be held. To be soothed and and for someone to say _everything will be okay,_ even though he knows it never will be again. He wants the nightmares that will inevitably happen when he succumbs to sleep to go away. He wants to break, not for long, just for an hour, a day, so that he can learn to breathe again without it feeling like there is glass where his lungs should be and a black hole in his heart.

Death would be such a sweet mercy. 

_I can't do this,_ Levi thinks desperately, and his only response is the screech of the wind.

**Author's Note:**

> I was rereading some chapters and had some feelings to let out, resulting in whatever this word vomit is. What do y'all think?
> 
> My tumblr, so you can see my general weeb shitposting or come yell at me, whichever you prefer: https://theladystrikesagain.tumblr.com/


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